The Absence of Conflict

For most of us, conflict is a very uncomfortable topic.  The very word itself often evokes a strong, negative emotional reaction.  When we think of conflict, our mind often races to a past experience where we were locked in a dispute with someone and things went terribly wrong, feelings were hurt, and in some cases damage was done.  For many, conflict is something to be avoided at all cost.  I would contend however that conflict is not understood and the absence of conflict is actually a warning sign that something is going wrong, especially when the stakes are high.

Organizations that aren’t embracing conflict on a regular basis are missing opportunities for growth.  It is in conflict where diverse perspectives are brought to the fore, carefully examined, and progress is set in motion.  Let me offer a more personal perspective to make my point.

My wife and I have worked with married and engaged couples for many years.  The numbers of couples we have supported are more than I could ever recall.  The one thing we have always addressed with them is conflict.  Too many couples believe that the absence of conflict in their relationship is a good indicator of happiness and success yet this couldn’t be further from the truth.  In our experience, conflict is the fuel that challenges a couple to learn from each other, grow closer together, and become more sensitive to each other.  We’ve met couples that bragged about the fact they hadn’t had a major disagreement in years.  However, when we really got them to open up, we always found issues they had both buried for years choosing not to address them for fear of offending their partner.  Instead of being open and honest, these issues simmer under the surface and inevitably explode on the scene with a fury.  In some cases, those very same couples found themselves in divorce court dealing with “irreconcilable differences” because the issue had progressed to the point that made it nearly impossible to deal with.  Had they had the courage and concern to surface their concern initially rather than bury it, it would have been far more likely they could have worked through it. 

Organizations rely upon trusting and open relationships to grow.  The clients I’ve worked with over the years that have valued conflict and were willing to deal with differences of opinions, personality clashes, and the myriad of other issues that are present in any group of people, are far more healthy than those that sweep them under the rug.  When leaders squelch conflict, they simply push it into the shadows where it smolders until something happens and a wildfire erupts.  At that point, all the firefighting technology and techniques in the world aren't likely to dampen the flames; the damage has been done.  If the rumor mill is the most active form of communication in your organization, it is very likely that you have a culture that discourages conflict.  Warning, warning, warning!  When leaders declare either openly or through their behavior that disagreements that have to do with them are “off limits”, they are shutting down dialog and taking communication undercover.  Trust me, it will surface again and probably at the point you can least afford it.

This should not be construed as a call for open warfare.  Dealing with conflict in a positive and constructive way requires skill, patience, and the highest degree of transparency.  Leaders who are willing to be questioned and encourage divergent perspectives are more likely to surface issues sooner where they can be dealt with and worked through.  Yes, the process can create discomfort, but in my experience, people get better at it over time and produce teams that are more productive, trusting, and willing to engage.  It takes practice and consistency.  Leaders who behave more like explorers are far more likely to encourage critical thinking and are open to divergent perspectives and new information.  This is where the leaders are separated from managers.  Managers have a tendency to oversee the process of “turning the crank” of the company engine without questioning while insisting that others do the same.  Leaders on the other hand are open to change and willing to question the status quo.

Conflict therefore should become a value in your organization and fuel for your growth engine.  Getting good at embracing conflict takes practice and there are many reputable firms that can help an organization develop the right skills and culture that turns conflict into a positive force.  I have personally used the Crucial Confrontations work from VitalSmarts and the work of Conversant Communications, both which I would highly recommend.  Simply deciding to shift the perspective on conflict in your organization is just the first step, and if your leaders haven’t been coached and trained in how to support the right environment, then getting some professional help should be considered.

I would encourage you to evaluate the attitudes and role of conflict in your organization and ask yourself how you’re really doing.  Constructive conflict can lead to innovation, growth, and create a work environment that people want to be engaged in and supportive of.  Don’t run from conflict, take a step toward it!

Duane Grove is founder of Connect2Action, a strategy execution specialist at the intersection of employee engagement and executive leadership, igniting innovation as a lever to accelerate your growth.  Follow Duane on Twitter @connect2action and connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+.  Learn more by visiting www.connect2action.com.